My girlfriend's gotta go

1crazy-jeeper

What's a scrambler?
#1
:( My wife told me yesterday the 'your girlfriend (her name for my jeep) is sucking the life out of our marrage.' She wants me to sell my nearly complete (about $3000 left to go) 81 -8. I'm not sure what to do. I thought about hiding it in the back yard for a while to let things calm down but she's my daily driver so I'd have to come up with an alternative mode of transport.

In the last year I've added a professionally installed clutch and shift tower. Radiator, superride springs (rear). Complete paint job, aluminum wheels and tires. New side reails, tuffy over head console, Pioneer stereo, new battery (Caterpillar branded, that thing is cool!). Front drive shaft, carpet and insulation. If I remember the rest I'll add it later.

What it still needs. The darn fuel sending unit doesn't send the correct fuel level. I know it's the sending unit because the guage is new. The exhaust is pretty much thrashed. The horn doesn't work.

I forgot. I added TJ flares and YJ mirrors. Those things are very cool. I get compliments every where I go. The jeep is rust free, but not bondo free. All rusty areas were sand blasted and acid etched before being repaired and painted.

What should I do?
 

bigwalton

Picture cravin' AK Postal nut
Staff member
SOA Member
City
Dexter
State
MI
#3
Man, just chill on the work on it for a while, a few months if you have to. If it's your DD and it is functioning as that fine now, you can put off some of the other things that you want to do in order to save your marriage.

If that doesn't work, then there's plenty of divorce lawyers out there... like Kurt so nicely mentioned.
 
City
Snohomish
State
WA
#6
MODERATION


Don't spend every spare minute you have working on your Jeep, that will piss off any woman.

I'd suggest spending more time with your wife than the Jeep for a while, then take her out wheeling for a day, it's amazing how one wheeling trip can change her outlook on your modifications.

I hope you can work things out, you should be able to do what you love to do and she should be able to spend time with the man she loves.

Find some middle ground.

Good Luck!!

Mark
 

Randyzzz

Blown Budget
LIFETIME
CJ-8.com Member
SOA Member
City
Redmond
State
OR
#7
Well, I'll try to give some serious advice...from a guy who's been there and didn't heed the warnings until it was almost too late.

I bet the bottom line is- she doesn't really want less of the Scrambler, she just wants more of you!

Answer these questions- HONESTLY! Do you find yourself thinking "I wish I was working on the Jeep" when doing household projects? Or when going shopping with her? At the grocery store, do you sneak away to the magazine section while she does the shopping alone? When driving, do you point out every Jeep you see? Do you hide money from your check to put into the Jeep, even when money is tight around the house? So you go out to the garage while she does the dishes? How about on holidays? Do you spend the day with her, or try to reason out how you can budget time between her and the Jeep? Honestly, do you look forward to spending a day working on the Jeep as much as (Or more than) spending one with your wife? Do you rush home to check the posts on the BBS?

Do you feel you work hard, and you DESERVE the time you spend with your Jeep, because, after all, those hours at work are to support the lifestyle your wife enjoys?

So, you realized that maybe your Jeep is the priority in your life. But you hide it well, right? WRONG! Female radar is a technology that NORAD would love to own. She knows your every thought, your every mood, the moment she sees you!

So, what do you do? Start out by taking a good look at your life, and how you're living it. Think about how you'd feel if your wife was gone. Now, keep that thought in mind and change the way you look at your time and your resources.

Sounds like you've sank alot of money into the Scrambler. Your wife sees that. What she sees is the Cruise that the Scrambler ate, or the new carpet that should have been in the living room, not in the Jeep, or maybe the new car she's always wanted. And don't think she doesn't know that it's $3000. to completion. She has an idea... that while she struggles to make ends meet, you keep finding ways to get more stuff for the Jeep. She wonders "Why can't he put that kind of effort into making our lives better?"

The Scrambler probably doesn't have to go...but you've got major damage control to do. Start out with talking to her. Tell her you've seen the error of your ways, and that she is the most important thing in your life, and that you want to treat her that way. She won't believe you...she's heard it before...so you have to "earn" her trust.

Do the dishes with her. Stay inside on holidays. Take walks with her. Stay with her while she shops. Bring home flowers once in awhile. Stop pointing out Jeeps and talking about how neat yours will be once it's done. Valentine's Day is coming up...how about taking her somewhere overnite? And make the reservations yourself, don't let her do it all for you. She wants to be taken care of, she wants to be cherished TWICE as much as the Jeep...and more!

A quote of my wife's- "Real change is evident when there is no need to prove it."

Once she trusts you again, she will want you to have the Scrambler, because she knows the joy it brings you.

If not, she's mor important than the Jeep, anyways.

Good luck!

Ok...if I've spoken out of line, or totally mis-diagnosed your situation, I'm sorry. Just trying to help out. You see, I was in the same situation a couple of years ago...except I had ignored the warnings, and my wife was done with me. That description above- that was me! But I changed, for good, and we worked it out. Our relationship is better than ever now.
 

WildTurkeycj8

Legacy Registered User
CJ-8.com Member
City
richmond
State
va
#8
That's some damn good advice up there, from all the guys (well, except lookin for a divorce lawyer! ;) ).

Sounds like you've done a tremendous amount of work on the jeep...awesome! Now take a break and show her (your wife) that you know that it's just a hobby and she comes first!

Spend some extra time with her and jump on the honey-do list.

Then you'll be able to get back to the jeep and enjoy working on it when you know that it isn't causing problems in other parts of your life. It makes it more difficult that it's your DD, but you're gonna have to work around that.

Hey, we can't even pretend to know the full situation at your place, we're just throwing some ideas out for ya! Best wishes for getting it all worked out!

Later
-Mike W
 

1crazy-jeeper

What's a scrambler?
#9
Thanks for all the advice guys!. It's really not as bad as it sounds. I meant it more tongue in cheek than it sounds like you took it. Besides this is just the last of a long string of bad jeeps I've brought home and nursed back to health. She is kind of used to it by now.

Any way, I've owned her for a year now and it's probably time to move on. Any one know where I can pick up a good corvette? :D
 

Jeremy

Scrambler Fanatic
City
Carlisle
State
PA
#11
Hersey

1crazy-jeeper said:
Thanks for all the advice guys!. It's really not as bad as it sounds. I meant it more tongue in cheek than it sounds like you took it. Besides this is just the last of a long string of bad jeeps I've brought home and nursed back to health. She is kind of used to it by now.

Any way, I've owned her for a year now and it's probably time to move on. Any one know where I can pick up a good corvette? :D

You ment for a donor engine right?
 

dadscj8

SOA Charter Member
City
Tucson
State
AZ
#12
Wow, pretty good counsel!

I'm impressed with (most) of the advice given so far! Wow, anyone want to take over our couseling ministry at the church i work for? I could use a break!
 

Osprey

The Duckbum
City
Cambridge
State
MD
#13
Randyzzzzz, I was in a similar situation once with a girl (luckily not married, though), except for me it was hunting that was the issue. I tried to do what you did, but resented her for pulling me away from who I am. It made me miserable and we still split. Soooo, I disagree, stick to what you love and cut the bitch loose if it's that serious. There's plenty of women out there.
 

bigwalton

Picture cravin' AK Postal nut
Staff member
SOA Member
City
Dexter
State
MI
#14
1crazy-jeeper said:
It's really not as bad as it sounds. I meant it more tongue in cheek than it sounds like you took it.
That's good to hear, and what I was hoping when I made my tongue in cheek reply :D
 

1crazy-jeeper

What's a scrambler?
#15
The problem isn't so much the jeep. My wife really likes what I've done with it and how unusual it is. The problem is that the jeep gets jealous if I don't wrench on her every couple of weeks and something serious breaks. I did the wheels and paint and was all proud of myself. Then the radiator blew its rusty guts all over the highway. After that there was the need for some tunes so of course I needed to customize my over head console for easy removal and fold down of the windshield. Good stuff, but time consuming. I thought I was good for the winter. A rear spring gave up just before Christmas. Not so bad just a couple of hours right? Right. Last week the battery gave out. New one. This week the exhaust fell off. See the problem. The jeep is in remarkable condition but it keeps hitting me when I'm down. I guess I just need something a little more reliable. The $200 a month I've spent on parts I could put toward a new TJ.
 

kohldad

SOA Member
City
Goose Creek
State
SC
#16
The $200 a month I've spent on parts I could put toward a new TJ.
Think of it as an investment. If you put the money into a TJ, it will lose value. The 8 is almost an antique, is already a collectors, and is unique so it is gaining value as you do the repairs. Sounds like the 8 is already worth a good portion of what a TJ would cost. Don't know if you have property taxes where your at, but that new TJ is going to eat up a couple months of that $200 and lets not forget the higher insuarance cost.

And since you are doing these mods, do you really think you can buy a TJ and not add a better stereo, change out the tires, etc? So much for that money saving idea.

Plus, I think the 8 is a lot more dependable and much easier to fix. The newer vehicles have computer diagnostics becaue they are more liable to break and are so complicated you wouldn't have any idea where to start if the computer didn't give you a clue.

The list of things that can go wrong is getting shorter and shorter. The 8s were built so well I don't think you will have to worry about replacing something a second time til your kids get ready to start driving it and that's assuming you don't have any yet.

Just some food for thought.
 

dirtyjeep

I like it dirty.
City
Arlington
State
TX
#17
After losing a Jeep to my ex-wife. I told my current wife before we got married that I will always have a Jeep. If you don't like it then good-bye (not quite in those words though). My family comes first and the Scrambler second but it knows it comes before our other Jeeps. Although I do think it's getting a little jealous. I'm building a stroker for our XJ and the fuel pump went out on my Scrambler the other day. :rolleyes:
 

Zodiac

CJ-8 Member
CJ-8.com Member
City
Macomb
State
MO
#18
Randy, gotta tell you, that was a hella good reply, and great advice. I don't have this prob, because our CJs are unfortunately way down on the priority list, but all your words are gold to anyone who's ever been or might get in that situ.
 
City
Louisville
State
co
#19
I have found it is a love hate relationship with my wife. When her Jeep is broken down. she loves it. When she has the choice of what to ride in. She hates it. When it comes to the vehicle that has given us the lest amount of grief. She loves it. When it comes to me looking at parts cataloges and looking at what it would cost to make the Jeep the way I would like it to be again. She hates it. When it comes to taxes and the cost of insurance and plates. She loves it. This could go on for days.

Just always remember to tell her you love her. And add a couple of choice "Yes Dear's", "Your right as always Dear's" in there to make her feel better. Ride the jeep as is for a few months or even a year. It could be worse. You could end up with a Yugo to drive everyday.

If you find the magic solution please pass it along for the rest of us.....

TK
 
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