Our adoption story and update

bigwalton

Picture cravin' AK Postal nut
Staff member
SOA Member
City
Dexter
State
MI
#1
One of the cool things about this place is that it's been around for 17 YEARS now and there are so many folks who've been around from the beginning. Another cool thing is how incredibly supportive and kind the folks here are in general and that it's never fallen into the hot mess that so many other forums and Facebook groups turn into.

That was part of what led me to post openly about our effort to adopt a child back when we finally got fed up with the various fertility crap. My wife and I were blessed to be matched with a great birthmother in an open adoption (there are different versions, but ours was where you meet and keep in touch with the birthmother/family) and that resulted in our daughter Laura becoming the light of our lives. While the agency we used in 2005 is no longer in existence, we still happily and openly discuss the process and what's it's been like for us.

Laura just finished middle school and is 13 now and the graduation ceremony made me think about the posts I made here back before we were matched, so I thought it was worth a bump. (I decided to start a new post because I wanted to mention that the agency was no longer around.) Maybe seeing this will help someone out there who is in a similar situation to where we were back then. I'm ALWAYS happy to chat/talk offline if anyone has questions or anything.

It's cool that there are so many folks here that I basically consider family that have watched her grow up across all the various Scrambler events and gatherings. Similarly, I love having watched so many other folks' kids grow up the same way. Just can't express how much I love this place and the people.

Here were the threads in order (remember, the adoption agency I reference is no longer in service but there are many more that should be excellent to work with!)
https://www.cj-8.com/threads/adopting-you-can-help-a-friend.9364/

https://www.cj-8.com/threads/ot-adoption-were-matched.11099/

https://www.cj-8.com/threads/ot-adoption-update-ca-bound.12185/

https://www.cj-8.com/threads/lj-walton.12338/

https://www.cj-8.com/threads/adoption-finalized.13591/

We are still in contact with the birthfamily and actually went out west to visit them and their daughter (Laura's half-birthsister, different father) over Spring break. The "open" part of the adoption has been absolutely fantastic.

The link to the pics from the announcement thread is long since dead, here's a quick pic of a photo I have on my office wall from right after we got back to NC from CA:
IMG_4340.jpg

And here we are with Laura at her 8th grade graduation night with us last week :huh: where has the time gone!
IMG_4277.JPG

Anyway, thought it was worth a repost, if anyone wants to talk PLEASE reach out to me or someone, I know PRECISELY how horrific the "fertility treadmill" can be and what it can do to a couple. The day we chose to move on to adoption was one of the best days of my life and the feeling of the weight being lifted from us was as real and palpable as busting a knuckle on your Jeep. I only wish we'd done it MUCH MUCH sooner. Hence this post...
 

wm69

Scrambler Junkie
LIFETIME
CJ-8.com Member
City
God's Country
State
AR
#6
Man oh man.

I went through a nasty divorce in 2009. I had two girls, 4 and 5 at the time, and I got custody of them in the ensuing court battle. After the 2nd daughter was born (2005), I had a vasectomy. Wife said she didn't want more kids (I did) and I figured that if she changed her mind, at least a vasectomy was reversible (coworker had one that was successful). Wife ran off with her personal trainer. How cliche

I started dating my current wife in 2011. We were married in December of 2014. She's 10 years younger than I, had never been married or had kids. Early in our dating we talked about kids. I'd wanted more anyway, and she, of course, wanted kids, so I had a reversal the summer of 2014.

It didn't work. So that's thousands of dollars down the drain, for nothing.

In July of 2017 I had a second reversal. This time was MUCH more expensive, but was done by the pioneer of the vasectomy reversal, Sherman Silber in St Louis. My wife paid for this one. I was still paying off the first go round that didn't work.

They told us it could take 12-18 months before we saw swimmers. At a year, nothing. Talk about a kick in the gut. Wife turned 34 last August so at this point I'm thinking that by choosing to marry me, she's given up having children. Not really enough time to try another reversal and then wait to see whether or not it worked, not to mention that we're both broke and struggling financially from two reversals at this point (insurance doesn't cover). I told her we should start looking at In Vitro, not knowing how we would pay for it, and hating that she'd have to be subjected to all that comes with the process.

A week after thanksgiving she was late. Took a half a dozen pregnancy tests and finally got some good news! We had resigned ourselves to the fact that the second reversal had also been a failure, but it worked!

We're due the first week of August. Another girl. LOL.

We had discussed adoption, and it is still something we might do if we aren't able to conceive again on our own. Having kids was the best thing I've ever done as a person. It's made me a better human being.

You have a lovely family Bigwalton. Congratulations on being a Dad. Best thing in the world.
 

HighSierra CJ

Scrambler Enthusiast
LIFETIME
CJ-8.com Member
City
Ducor
State
Ca
#7
What a story. Congratulations man. My wife and children are definitely the best thing that ever happened to me. Again congratulations on your upcoming new arrival.
 

bigwalton

Picture cravin' AK Postal nut
Staff member
SOA Member
City
Dexter
State
MI
#9
Wow @wm69, that’s quite the saga. We tried every damn thing up to two rounds of in vitro and it was a hellish rollercoaster that just never stopped and got progressively more and more horrific. I’d never wish that on my worst enemy. Glad to hear yours eventually had a happy outcome too.
 

wm69

Scrambler Junkie
LIFETIME
CJ-8.com Member
City
God's Country
State
AR
#10
Wow @wm69, that’s quite the saga. We tried every damn thing up to two rounds of in vitro and it was a hellish rollercoaster that just never stopped and got progressively more and more horrific. I’d never wish that on my worst enemy. Glad to hear yours eventually had a happy outcome too.
Reading back through your posts, that was right around when my younger daughter (born April 05) was born, so I wasn't on here much then and must have missed it initially. I'll also be blunt and say that at the time I hadn't had any fertility problems so even had I seen your posts I would have thought "What's the big deal?". Something most people, including me, understand until put in that position.

Lots of kids out there that need a good home. That's why the wife and I struggled with trying to have our own (given what it was taking) vs adopting. That said, adopting isn't easy either. Your pic tells it all though; totally worth it.
 

LetchcoreCJ7

Legacy Registered User
City
Nashville
State
TN
#11
Man oh man.

I went through a nasty divorce in 2009. I had two girls, 4 and 5 at the time, and I got custody of them in the ensuing court battle. After the 2nd daughter was born (2005), I had a vasectomy. Wife said she didn't want more kids (I did) and I figured that if she changed her mind, at least a vasectomy was reversible (coworker had one that was successful). Wife ran off with her personal trainer. How cliche

I started dating my current wife in 2011. We were married in December of 2014. She's 10 years younger than I, had never been married or had kids. Early in our dating we talked about kids. I'd wanted more anyway, and she, of course, wanted kids, so I had a reversal the summer of 2014.

It didn't work. So that's thousands of dollars down the drain, for nothing.

In July of 2017 I had a second reversal. This time was MUCH more expensive, but was done by the pioneer of the vasectomy reversal, Sherman Silber in St Louis. My wife paid for this one. I was still paying off the first go round that didn't work.

They told us it could take 12-18 months before we saw swimmers. At a year, nothing. Talk about a kick in the gut. Wife turned 34 last August so at this point I'm thinking that by choosing to marry me, she's given up having children. Not really enough time to try another reversal and then wait to see whether or not it worked, not to mention that we're both broke and struggling financially from two reversals at this point (insurance doesn't cover). I told her we should start looking at In Vitro, not knowing how we would pay for it, and hating that she'd have to be subjected to all that comes with the process.

A week after thanksgiving she was late. Took a half a dozen pregnancy tests and finally got some good news! We had resigned ourselves to the fact that the second reversal had also been a failure, but it worked!

We're due the first week of August. Another girl. LOL.

We had discussed adoption, and it is still something we might do if we aren't able to conceive again on our own. Having kids was the best thing I've ever done as a person. It's made me a better human being.

You have a lovely family Bigwalton. Congratulations on being a Dad. Best thing in the world.
Thanks for sharing your story. Being a Dad has made me a better person as well. I honestly don’t know how it can’t. Every day I look and think about my girl I try to be the best version of myself.
 
City
Terlingua
State
TX
#12
Congratulations to you and your family!

I’m on the opposite end of adoption. I was adopted when I was 3 days old. This was almost 50 years ago so adoptions and the process were probably much different. It was a closed adoption. Most then probably were, anyway, I thank my lucky stars every day that I was adopted. I’m sure it was hard for my birth mother to do (she was not married) and not easy for my adopted parents either. But here I am absolutely convinced that I’m a better person because of the people who raised me.

Again, Congratulations and thanks for being a part of this young woman’s life.
 

MrBeep

CJ-8 Vendor Supporter
CJ-8.com Vendor
City
Dillsboro
State
IN
#13
Eric. you do realize you have to share. Laura is part of this family also, enjoys our Family reunions first week of August every year. She is an AWESOME co-pilot also.
 

bigwalton

Picture cravin' AK Postal nut
Staff member
SOA Member
City
Dexter
State
MI
#14
Appreciate the kind words and reading others’ stories. We celebrated 22 years of marriage this weekend by taking the kid to Toy Story 4, so I guess you can say we really enjoy being parents :rotfl:
 

Schlap

Scrambler Junkie
LIFETIME
CJ-8.com Member
City
Brentwood
State
TN
#15
Congrats & well done!
We got pregnant on our honeymoon & tried everything for nearly nine years to have a second. We adopted once we knew for certain that we wouldn’t start the adoption process AND get pregnant. We always liked the idea of adoption but have friends who started the adoption process and got pregnant. We couldn’t handle 2 babies at the same time.
Our honeymoon baby is about to turn 12 and our adopted baby is 2 & 1/2. Precious girls!
Thank you for sharing your heart.
 

bigwalton

Picture cravin' AK Postal nut
Staff member
SOA Member
City
Dexter
State
MI
#16
We always liked the idea of adoption but have friends who started the adoption process and got pregnant.
We’d heard about that happening and there were others in our program where it had. Add in removing the “mechanical” nature of attempting with the various fertility treatments and the fact that we were one of the couples where there was nothing specific to point at medically, and we were both very hopeful. It at least made things fun again after SO long almost hating everything about trying.
 

TexasAg77

S.O.A. Charter Member
LIFETIME
CJ-8.com Member
SOA Member
City
Cleveland
State
TN
#17
Eric, whenever I see your posts on FB about Laura and her successes, I always think back to what y'all went through and how happy those of us who knew you back then were for you. Congrats, brother. I am sure you have done good,mostly due to Kate, but I'll give you credit too! ;)
 
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